Speaking of the Best Paladin on the Server …

Yes, that's him!  I blurred out his name because I was feeling unusually magnanimous, but rest assured: that is none other than the Best Paladin on the Server!  As you can see, Elam caught him mingling with the "little people" in /trade chat.  I missed it the first time around because I was between characters, but apparently there was some confusion among the masses as to whether the offer was sincere (or simply too good to be true?), because he was forced to repeat it.

But, seriously.  See how awesome he is?  Sharing his insta-queue with all of those 5,200 GS scrubs who would otherwise be relegated to running endless laps 'round Dalaran...

Heroic Trial of the Champion is Serious Business™.

This post is dedicated to Elam.

Elam made an off-hand comment last night about what he imagines /officer chat looks like.

Well, Elam.  Since you asked … 

[Officer][Larissyn]:  Okay.  So we have three paladins, two priests, a hunter, two rogues, an enhancement shaman and Elam's Death Cow, Grazeless, in this run. 

[Officer][Larissyn]:  Here’s the plan.  Sunfury, DI Torek.  Retnewb, DI Jarbenfel. 

[Officer][Larissyn]:  Tahlon, feign death.  Tell the rogues to vanish.

[Officer][Larissyn]:  I’m going to go pull the boss and then DI Recidivist …

Alas, they thought I was joking.

... It would have been epic. 

Fortunately, they do listen sometimes!

[Officer][Larissyn]:  Neville!  Don't forget to cast Water Walking on Elam when the floor drops out.

* Elam has died.

[Officer][Larissyn]:  Win! 

Yes, I'm evil.  <3

One of those days…

It's a chilly 72 degrees in my office this morning, I left my sweater at home and — sigh — I just noticed that my shoes don't match.

It's going to be one of those days.

Cheerfully self-deprecating, that’s me!

I have a confession to make.

(Yes, another one! What can I say? I’m in a sharing mood...)

I’m not very good at this game.

Oh, I’m far from hopeless — and I have some fairly impressive achievements to prove it!  (The Undying, Of the Nightfall and Champion of Ulduar are among my more meaningful titles.)

But when it comes to new encounters, I have a steep learning curve.  Part of it is the Guild Leader’s curse: distracting /whispers throughout the raid, some inane (I’m looking at you, Elam!), but most at least relevant.  A new recruit is confused about our kill order and too intimidated to ask for clarification in Vent.  (Skull, X, Circle, Square.  “Because you have to put on the condom before you can enter the box,” as Keaton oh-so eloquently puts it.)  A shadow priest has to leave for twenty minutes to pick a friend up from work.  (No problem... but don’t forget to zone out this time!  *stares pointedly until the mage portal appears*)  And a wait-listed rogue wants to know if we’re likely to need him, or if he’s free to PuG the heroic daily.  (Actually, a priest is heading out.  Do you want to sub in?)

The rest of it is me.

As a healer, I spend most of the raid staring at health bars and am prone to tunnel vision — especially on new fights, before I learn to anticipate patterns of incoming damage.  I also have the second worst sense of direction I’ve encountered in-game.  (I’m not exaggerating: I am so spatially inept that I can get lost in a circular room… the Argent Coliseum, for example.)

What this all comes down to is this: If The Bad™ makes an appearance in a new fight (and, really, when does it not?), then I will stand in it.  If the entire raid is counting on me to master one simple mechanic (such jumping from one ledge to another, dodging lava waves, or strafing out of Icehowl’s charge), then I won’t. 

Maybe not on the first attempt, and certainly not on every attempt, but at some crucial point … I will fail.

I am “that guy.”

Failbot adores me.  If I didn't routinely bribe our Death Knight officer to reset his tallies, it would read something like this:

*Liluye has failed at Overload/Lava Waves/Chain Lightning/Lightning Nova/Telling Left From Right/Telling Right From Left/Void Zones/Flash Freeze/Laser Barrage/That Damned Jump!/Tying Her Shoelaces (And She Doesn't Even Have Shoes)/Life In General (45,613,980).

For the leader of fairly successful raiding guild, it's downright embarassing.  Most of the people I play with are frighteningly good.  Our best DPS — a mage — broke 8K on Koralon last night, and our second best DPS — a warlock — finished a fraction of a percent behind him.  Our ret paladin once solo-tanked Emalon 25 in his off-spec, and our holy priest recently solo-healed Jaraxxus 10 and most of the Faction Champions after his pet healadin disconnected.

I've had my moments, too — flukes, mostly! (although I'll never forget the time I tanked Ignis and his adds to a few thousand health before running out of tricks...) — but for the most part: while my intrepid guildies are rocking the DPS meters, throwing heals like spaghetti and tanking stuff, I'm facedown on the floor.

I cope with my failures by being — as the title of this blogpost suggests — cheerfully self-deprecating.

Can you tell?

(P.S.  There was a point to this post that had nothing to do with my flirtation with Failbot and everything to do with the most valuable lesson I've learned about tanking to date.  I never did get to it; next time, I promise!)