5 Things Your PuG Tank Wants You To Know …
… and one more thing that your paladin tank really wants you to know!
1. The better my gear gets, the harder it becomes to tank heroics.
I realize this seems counter-intuitive. It has to do with resource management: warrior and druid tanks generate rage from damage, while paladins convert healing into mana via Spiritual Attunement. (And you thought warlocks were emo? :p) As our gear improves, we are able to avoid more and more incoming damage. Although this is a boon to our survivability, it can be debilitating to our rage or mana (re)gen.
Watch my power bar. If it’s just a little sliver of red, then I’m rage-starved. If it’s just a little sliver of blue, then I’m perilously low on mana. Either way, I’m struggling to maintain my rotation and therefore to build threat. Give me a two-second head start before you charge into melee range and start Whirlwinding. Or Divine Storming. Or FoKing.
On second thought, don’t FoK at all. This is a T-rated game.
Also: if my power bar is light blue, then kindly disregard this advice. I’m a Death Knight, and you can simply /follow me through the instance while I— ...GET OVER HERE!
2. The better your gear gets, the harder it becomes to tank heroics.
I may be running on fumes, but you have enough mana to flood Desolace and more energy than a gnome on Noggenfogger. Reinstall Omen, dust off your long-neglected aggro dump (that’s Soul Shatter for warlocks, Iceblock for mages, Feign Death for hunters and Death for everyone else) (Vanish never works!) and maybe even toss me a Misdirect every now and then? Please? *puppy-dog eyes*
3. You don’t need to have a full mana bar when I pull the next pack.
If you’re my healer, then rest assured: I’m watching your mana bar even more closely than I’m watching mine. I won’t pull if you’re empty, but I’m not going to wait for you to drink to full before every trash pack, either. Unless the DPS are trying to stand in The Bad® or get themselves cleaved, it’s just not necessary. (And if they are, remember: it’s their own damned fault!)
If you’re feeling a little light-headed, sit down and have a sip. I’ll charge ahead — and I promise: I’ll be fine on my own for the few seconds it takes for you to take the edge off.
If you’re DPS, then … well. >.> To be perfectly honest, I’m leaving you behind on purpose. Sorry about that. It’s just that if you’re conveniently out of range or mana when I pull the next mob, then I’ll have a few precious seconds to build threat before you come ‘round to peel it off me.
4. I get lost a lot, especially in the Old Kingdom.
Sorry!
5. If I am attempting to Line of Sight ("LoS") a pack of trash mobs around a corner or into an alcove or another room, either stand back and do nothing… or simply stack on me.
This is especially true in Halls of Reflection. In order for me to LoS a mob, it has to be hating on me. If you try to smack it with a sword or spell before it’s where I want it to be, then it will turn around and eat. your. face. (Or, more likely — since I can’t imagine a scenario in which I’d be LoSing melee mobs — shove a fireball down your throat, which is even more unpleasant.)
Just stack on me. We can pretend we like each other for the few seconds it takes for the mobs to stagger into position after I’ve gotten their attention with my Divine Frisbee of Avenging Righteousness.
6. This one is paladin specific, but important: Divine Plea has a 60 second cooldown and a 15 second duration.
Glyphed and talented, Divine Plea not only reduces incoming damage by 3%, but also returns 25% of my maximum mana over 15 seconds. While the damage reduction is a nice-to-have, the mana regen is a HAVE-TO-HAVE. That's not one but two capital HAVE's (which may actually make one capital WHOLE. But who's counting?)
Hitting things refreshes Divine Plea, so — hypothetically — I can keep it up for the entire run, returning a fair bit of mana as I’m catapulting myself like an unhittable elven cannonball through packs of rampaging geists.
Of course, this assumes no breaks in combat for less than 15 seconds at a time …
Guys? This is why I chain pull. (Until I get lost. See #4 above.)
This is also why I’m going to ignore any silly “These are my rules…” macro you might spam at me. See, you may think it’s “common courtesy” for me to wait patiently while you rummage around in your bags for a piece of stale strudel; dust it off on your robes; take a small, ladylike bite; comb your hair; summon three non-combat pets until you find one that perfectly reflects your current emotional state like a walking, talking emoting Facebook status; and then finally — FINALLY! — deign to click Yes to your own /readycheck.
Um, no. “Common courtesy” is completing the run quickly and efficiently, with minimal loss of life (unless it’s a rogue’s, of course), a few pleasantries and two Emblems of Frost for the road. (But I'm sure your hair and your strudel and your two-headed dog are very nice, too!)
* * *
This post is dedicated to Keaton, who loves me enough not to say "I told you so."
To Do List
- Kill Algalon (10). We are so close to this one! If I were able to bully people back into Ulduar more than once every other month or so (which inevitably forces us to spend the first 20 minutes of our hour relearning the fight >.<), we'd have Called enough Stars by now to start our own pocket universe.
- Kill Anub'arak in Trial of the Grand Crusader (25). If I have to extend this week's ID indefinitely (or until our 50 attempts are exhausted), then I will. We didn't let Lady Vashj or Kael'thas Sunstrider get the better of us in TBC, and we certainly won't let Anub'arak do it now.
- Make a decision about Shadowmourne. /waffle
- Get Stumpy his Rusted Proto-drake. He's been One Light short of 310% birdspeed for so long that I'm ashamed of myself.
- l2holy. ... okay, so Larissyn wasn't my first or even second choice for an arena character. But after watching Rosaly's PvP video — or, rather, listening to Rosaly's PvP video — I have to admit, I'm kind of excited. (Whatever you do, don't tell Keaton.)
- Buy a sexy new dress for Saturday's holiday party. See also: manicure, pedicure and practice run with the curling iron and/or straightener.
- Delete Paladin Schmaladin from my feedreader. Lying liar is STILL LYING — and the paladin community is somehow okay with it! If this isn't proof enough that you full-time pallies are SEVERELY JUDGMENT IMPAIRED, then I don't know what is. Ugh.
- Christmas shopping! Think Geek and NorthernSun, how I love three.
- Gem shopping! Now that I can finally retire my two-piece T8, I should probably dust off those T9 robes and shoulders I've been holding on to and see if I can't dress them up with some sparkly accessories.
- Finish leveling Elleiras's alchemy so I can make my own flasks.
- Clean my house. No, really. I mean it this time. I HAVE to clean because I'm going out of town for Christmas and New Year's and my house isn't fit to be seen.
- Renew my passport. Or at least get the pictures taken when I'm out and about so I can submit the paperwork. No passport + Canadian fiance = sad warlock.
- Write a real post. None of this silly filler fluff that no one cares about (not even me).
- Do Heroic Pit of Saron and Halls of Reflection. For real this time.
I Heart LFG.
Even if you don't need to use the new LFG interface to actually, you know, look for a group ... you can still queue your existing and fully formed 5-man for a specific instance or heroic and get a free port straight to the entrance! For someone who (still) gets lost as often as I do, this is amazing.
And yes, I did finally manage to finish Halls of Reflection, with Annah and Keaton oh-so helpfully reminding me every time there was a quest pick-up or turn-in. <3 you guys.
I survived Patch 3.3 …
Who needs a shield when you have an axe?
... and all I got was this lousy shield. Of course, by lousy, I mean totally awesome. Not only does it have a delicious amount of haste, but it makes me look just like Batman. (If, y'know, Batman were a seven foot tall bipedal cow with comely green eyes and a wicked two-step. >.>)
In other news, guess who neglected to start the attunement quest for the new Icecrown Citadel 5-mans, thereby wasting the reset (not only for herself, but for the four others who were too loyal to continue on without her)?
*raises hand* *shameface*
While I'd love to divert attention from that embarassing admission by sharing my first impressions of Icecrown Citadel, the truth is that I missed most of it. I spent the first 30 minutes of the raid on /follow while I tried to figure out why Grid, Dominos and Buffalo weren't working, in spite of having been updated via the Curse client just moments before. (For the record, it was Button Facade, which I hadn't bothered to update pre-raid on the grounds that it was "purely cosmetic." Once I disabled it, I realized that my custom UI wasn't broken, merely hidden.)
For a patch night, the realm and instance servers were remarkably stable. There were a few glitches, including a 10-minute window in which several players who had disconnected were unable to log back on. When they finally made it online, they were ported to Dalaran (one of them dead! — fittingly, a rogue :p) and were unsummonable.
Still, we managed to down Lord Marrowgar and Lady Deathwhisper before calling it a night. I know some guilds on our server cleared the entire wing, and I'm torn between disappointment that we weren't one of them, relief that we were able to raid at all, and excitement that there is still new content to look forward to tonight.
The Best Paladin on the Server
On Saturday evening, I had the rare honor of joining a ToC 10 PuG tanked by the Best Paladin on the Server. He magnanimously agreed to save our run after the death knights who had initially signed on to tank dropped out after several admittedly embarrassing wipes on Northrend Beasts (that I'm 99.9% certain that they caused out of sheer ineptitude).
… oh, and Elam came too. On his death knight tank, Grazeless, who — provincial bovine charm notwithstanding — was clearly outclassed by the Best Paladin on the Server.
So, after posing outside the instance portal in his spit-polished ilevel 258 gear (and taking a few screen shots with envious lookers-on), the Best Paladin on the Server took one look at our ragtag crew — and laughed. “I hope you have a DPS set, Grazeless,” he chortled. “I can solo-tank this shit.”
(Note to self: Introduce the Best Paladin on the Server to Snottydin. I think they’ll hit it off well.)
Grazeless hesitated, too awed by the opportunity to converse directly with the Best Paladin on the Server to formulate a timely response. “I don’t have a DPS spec,” he stammered at length. “But I do have a hunter spec.”
“Ah well.” The Best Paladin on the Server shrugged his plate-encased shoulders, pausing ever so briefly to admire his reflection in the gleaming metal. “Nevermind. I’ll tank the first boss and teach you how to tank the rest of them. It’s so easy, even you could do it.”
Eager to be see the Best Paladin on the Server in action, our fearless leader hurried us all back into the Crusader’s Coliseum — much to the dismay of the gaggle of Blood Elf fangirls who had scattered throughout the Tournament Grounds, sighing and swooning and flinging their Battle-forged panties in the Best Paladin on the Server’s general direction.
Once we had zoned in, the Best Paladin on the Server favored the much less experienced Grazeless with a precious moment of his time and vastly superior wisdom. “I suppose I’ll let you help with this after all. Taunt after four stacks of Impale and pick up Acidmaw when he spawns. He’s the one on the left.”
Sensing that Grazeless was confused by this rather complicated instruction, the Best Paladin on the Server made an “L” with the thumb and forefinger of his left hand and winked. “The left is this one — see?”
Grazeless gulped, clutched his two-handed axe like a security blanket, and eventually nodded his understanding.
The Best Paladin on the Server smiled beatifically, executed a perfect hair flip, and sauntered over to take his rightful place at the head of the raid.
And … nothing happened. We stood around staring at each other, mouths slightly agape as we shook our heads in bewilderment. What was Tirion Fordring waiting for?
“Ugh, just get on with it.” The Best Paladin on the Server glared up at the stands. “I’ll autograph your helm after I solo-tank this shit.” Tirion Fordring blushed and forced himself to stop admiring the vision of paladiness before him long enough to send in Gormok the Impaler.
And because he is, after all, an Elam Alt®: Grazeless died.
The Best Paladin on the Server shrieked like a harried banshee. “YO, HUNTER!” he howled over Varian Wrynn’s ever-obnoxious gloating. (Somewhere in Storm Peaks, an avalanche started.) “YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO TANK ACIDMAW. I CAN’T SOLO-TANK THIS SHIT ‘CUZ I HAVE TO KITE DREADSCALE THROUGH THE RANGED DPS WHILE OUTRANGING MY TOXIN’D HEALER AND ABSOLUTELY NOT BREAKING HER OUT OF PARALYSIS ‘CUZ THAT’S THE TOTALLY PRO WAY TO DO TOC.”
Not surprisingly, the hunter whimpered and feigned death.
Gormok: 1.
Hapless PuG: 0
As we made the dash of shame back into the instance, Grazeless summoned his courage like a ghoul and pulled the Best Paladin on the Server aside. “Maybe you should tank Acidmaw,” he suggested. “Your TPS is so much better than mine. And I want to practice that whole kiting-through-the-DPS and outranging-my-healer and not-freeing-people-from-poison thing you have going on, because it’s really sexy and I hear Best Death Knight on the Server is still up for grabs. So, can you help a Deathcow out?”
“I suppppppose,” the Best Paladin on the Server drawled, using a corner of Grazeless’s cloak to wipe the worm spit off of his breastplate. “Just remember, no matter what those imbeciles over there” — he waved a hand towards the DPS, who by this time were huddled in shame around their fish feast — “would have you believe, the Worms absolutely do NOT drop aggro after a burrow.”
Grazeless nodded, savoring the advice, and trotted back to the herd.
Round Two: Fight?
(To be continued. Maybe.)
So, um …
... for future reference: Wells Fargo has an 877 number that is exactly one digit off from a number that you REALLY shouldn't be calling at work. *hides*
Links!
I don't know why I've never thought to do a links-laden feature, like so many of my favorite blogs do on a weekly basis. I always love reading them: not only is it a great way to find new blogs to follow, but it's also a thrill to see my name show up every now and then (less now than then, unfortunately, since I'm writing less these days on account of a new and far more demanding job /sadface).
A few of my favorite reads this week:
- The Renaissance Man of Children of Wrath looks at the Ghosts of Patches Past — including what has to be the best. glitch. ever. I'm still giggling.
- Lume the Mad is calling it quits, at least as far as progression raiding is concerned. His final thoughts on ToGC, and Hardcore Raiding in Wrath of the Lich King is one of the best critiques of the "new" endgame that I've read so far.
- Windsoar of Jaded Alt has some advice for those new or aspiring raiders who frequently find themselves asking "Where's My Raid Slot?" I suspect this will become a sticky on many guild forums.
- Anea waxes poetic. About a Nether Ray. In General Chat.
- Finally, congratulations to my long-time commenter Asara on winning WoW Insider's scavenger hunt!
On a related note, Surreality has a new blogger! (... Or is that, a new blogger has Surreality?) The commenter previously known as Lord of the Fries — @lordofthefries to the Twitterati — is now Tahas, Not Tatas. I rather strongly suspect we have Elam to thank for that name. Guess what he calls poor Tahas? :p
Alts! I haz them.
Nerd Points!
Recent Comments
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Recent Ramblings
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Less Recent Ramblings
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Surreality Blogs!
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- Tahas, Not Tatas
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