Altadin
14Oct/0921

Coming out!

I call it a Demon Closet.When I started Fel Fire, I didn't know what direction it would take.  (Confession?  Ten months and one domain change later, I still don't!)  I "aspired" to attract an audience in the same way that I once aspired to raid: "maybe, someday ... later."  In the meantime, and for at least as long as it took me to find a voice, I knew I would be writing primarily for myself. 

I know, I know.  All bloggers say they write for themselves.  But if that were really true, why not write in a Word document or a pen-and-paper journal?  Why bother with the Internet at all?

Personally, I wanted to be heard.  I just wanted to be in control of who and when.

Even more than that, I wanted the freedom to rant.  My blog would be my catharsis: if a guildmember said something mean, or stupid, or if I wasn't sure how to deal with a situation or had an especially bad day and needed to break down completely, then I wanted the opportunity to do so without having to worry about creating tension or causing drama or just making myself look like a crazy woman.

And so — with no clear goals but all of this in mind — I made a deliberate effort to hide myself from my guild.

I've been known in-game as Sarielle from the moment I awoke in Death Knell, but I reversed the letters in my name when I registered my first Wordpress account and become "Elleiras" instead.  Over time, I cultivated an awkward kind of one-sided anonymity: telling my fledgling readership just enough about my "true" identity that they could find me if they wanted to, but keeping Sarielle safely un-Googleable.

By the time that Eanin (of Main Tankadin fame) started blogging, I found myself second-guessing my decision.  As much as I wanted to promote his blog and encourage him to continue writing, I was afraid that doing so would out me to the rest of our guild.  I /waffled for so long that Eanin eventually stopped updating.  Given how busy he is in Real Life™, with a doctorate in progress and a baby on the way, I doubt anything I could have done would have changed that — but I do regret the missed opportunity, if only because it means that my need to protect myself prevented me from being a good friend.

In some ways, it still is.  Elam removes his blog's URL from his signature line anytime he posts on the realm forum (because we link to each other and he knows I don't want to be found).  He and Naithin have been known to talk in riddles in guild chat simply to avoid outing me, and even those members who have stumbled across my blog (via WoW Insider links or the occasional application it brings in) have remained respectfully, if awkwardly, silent.

And especially after watching the camaraderie develop between bloggers like Amber, Kyrliean and Mikata, who share a guild tag, I can't help but feel that my recalcitrance has held us back in some small way...

Anyway, at about the same time I moved to altadin.com, I stopped trying to hide.  I didn't publicize my blog, per se, but I did start using real names (insofar that names like Malamo and Ouchilicious can be represented as "real") and even linked to the guild site as a part of my ongoing recruiting effort. 

Today, more and more of my guildies are finding their way here, or at least to Elam's blog, which means they'll end up here eventually (unless I petition the Shaman-Who-Doesn't-Ramen to strike me from his extra-curricular existence — which I won't do, because I rather like being a part of it). 

So — as of this post — I am officially out of the WoW blogging closet.  And after the better part of the year, I think I'm finally okay with that.

(I deleted all of the mean stuff already, anyway.)

On a somewhat related note ...

I have to give my guildmates credit.  It took two full weeks of raiding with a tree named Forrest for someone — affecting a falsetto, so I'm not entirely sure who (my gold is on Lupius!) — to finally break down and make the inevitable "run" joke on Vent. 

I won't repeat it verbatim.  Let's just say it involved green fire and a tree druid and leave it at that.

And in the off-chance you didn't catch on to the fact that the name of the druid-in-question is also a link, I'll make it obvious by welcoming Surreality's newest blogger to the 'sphere!  He is a frequent commenter on many WoW blogs, so you probably already know him, but he's carved a niche of his own. 

You can find it at (wait for it...) My Name is Forrest... 

Forreststump.

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  1. Naithin
    October 14th, 2009 - 15:11

    *cheer* *glee* *happy-kittenz-tiemz!*

    Yay, Sari! *cheers some more*

    Haha, I don’t really know why this should be so exciting for me, but it is nonetheless. I’m super pleased you’re out of the blogger-closet. You have a tonne of wonderful material here, and I’m pleased that more people will get a chance to see it.

    You have any plans on participating in NaNoWriMo btw? http://www.nanowrimo.org/ I was actually reminded of it by Seri over at WoSnarkcraft, which I am eternally grateful for, because I continually remember/stumble across it again in December/Jan of each year. :P

    I certainly think you have the talent for it! Although perhaps not the time. Hehe.

    Anywho, back on topic, Yay you! Not that talking in riddles hasn’t been amusing, I might add, but Yay!

    ((Next coherence next comment, I promise.))
    Naithin´s last blog ..Burn-out is like a Tsunami

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    • Elleiras
      October 14th, 2009 - 15:31

      I’ve never hidden from the blogging community and have actually reached out from time to time — although I’m still bad about commenting elsewhere. (I blame office firewalls for that. >.>)

      It’s about the guild, really. You know how I can tank a PuG with no problems — but once I’m surrounded by people I know and care about, I choke? It’s like that. I shared Fel Fire with complete strangers but not my closest friends.

      I need to fix that.

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    • Elleiras
      October 14th, 2009 - 15:32

      Oh, and I seriously doubt I have the discipline for NaNoWriMo. I’m a compulsive rewriter — and that’s forbidden with NaNo. :(

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    • Naithin
      October 14th, 2009 - 15:35

      Haha! Couldn’t even put my promise of more coherence in next comment in successfully! Yes, there is that much excitement goin’ onz. (That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.)

      Anywho, to respond to a little more of the post!

      “I know, I know. All bloggers say they write for themselves. But if that were really true, why not write in a Word document or a pen-and-paper journal? Why bother with the Internet at all?”

      So true. :P While I am quite content for a slow growth (Ugh, go fasteerr!) I do want to be heard. At the same time though, I want my blog to really find it’s voice, gain some consistancy, flow, and overall quality to it first. So I definitely understand where you’re coming from with this.

      There is a certain joy to be had from knowing people are reading and taking in what you’re writing, that can’t be had from merely writing to yourself in a more private format. This is not to say at all though, that writing doesn’t have its own rewards, or that the writing isn’t in and of itself not enjoyable; because it is. If we didn’t enjoy the writing.. Well, there are other ways – perhaps less constructive, though! – to be heard, right? :P

      Oh! Also? I have another confession to make which is sort of somewhat related. Part of my decision to join you guys was your writing here – Well, actually, still FelFire at the time. I found you via Elam (and his tattletale blog) after I was already beginning to think about a move to you guys – after of all things, a rather offhand comment from Elam that you all were lookin for a tree.. Or was it offhand? Now that I think about it.. Elam is pretty crafty.. Anyway! – and liked what I saw enough that it at least didn’t send me running.

      In fact, became quite hooked to your writing style back then, and it was even ultimately your own move to Altadin, along with Elam’s (at the time still only musings rather than action) talk of moving to his own domain that made me take the plunge and ‘Go Srs’ with my own. So when I say that you’re an inspiration to blog, I mean it!

      So I guess that also makes me at least as crazy as Forrest though. I don’t think we’re all that crazy at all though, all guilds have problems. So few of them are presented in such an entertaining manner however. :P
      Naithin´s last blog ..Burn-out is like a Tsunami

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  2. Forreststump
    October 14th, 2009 - 15:18

    I’m feeling somewhat… embarrassed, for lack of a better word. I stick in hyperlinks and cross-link to other blogs with reckless abandon – without stopping to think that possibly someone doesn’t WANT to be linked necessarily. Yes, you allowed pretty open commenting on Fel Fire, but still, it was an oversight of common courtesy on my part. I’ve enjoyed your musings and was gleeful to link to the source. Call it a case of over-enthuisasm?
    Forreststump´s last blog ..Progression Raid Is Progression

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    • Elleiras
      October 14th, 2009 - 15:25

      Don’t be silly. Bloggers link to each other. It’s what we do!

      Anyway, I’m really just talking about coming out to the guild. For the longest time (and Keaton can certainly attest to this), I was paranoid about the rest of the guild finding out about Fel Fire. What if they didn’t like what I wrote? What if it changed their opinion of me? Whatifwhatifwhatif…

      This post is really just a “whatever!” to all that. I’m still not going to advertise, per se, but I am definitely going to stop worrying about it … and stop bopping Elam over the head with my Golden Saronite Dragon everytime he makes a less-than-private reference to something I’ve posted. Enthusiasm should be celebrated — not feared!

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      • Naithin
        October 14th, 2009 - 15:38

        I had the same fear at first, so I just followed Elam’s lead. At the time I was still too shy to actually, you know, talk to you. (First impressions are hard!)

        If it changes anyones impression though, it should be for the better… Unless, you know, there is an offhand mean-ish comment about someone still floating around that wasn’t either a failboat recruit that’s already left, or an insane one that gquit. :P
        Naithin´s last blog ..Burn-out is like a Tsunami

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  3. Elam
    October 14th, 2009 - 16:20

    I’m so mad right now. I made the “Run Forrest Run” Comment when his demolisher was being chased by Flame Leviathan last week, and Keaton was the only one who heard it!

    THAT CLAIM TO FAME IS MINE.
    Elam´s last blog ..No longer being updated.

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  4. Lupius
    October 14th, 2009 - 22:38

    How could it have been me? I just spent the entire night listening to Korev counting down from 5 while skull is already at 60%…

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    • Elleiras
      October 14th, 2009 - 23:46

      lol! Poor Lupius! I knew you were Captain Kirking on Vent but I didn’t realize that it was lagging for you, too.

      Oh, God. Does that mean you get to listen to Malamo in triplicate? Cause, seriously, /wrists.

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  5. Tessy
    October 14th, 2009 - 23:33

    I know how you feel/felt… blogging as a way of blowing off steam and get rants out of your system is a bit difficult when you know the people you write about may read what you write.

    I have quite a few posts that I never published because I calmed down a bit during the writing and got worried I might upset people if they read it. And then I get upset with myself for getting worried people might get upset.
    Tessy´s last blog ..The Patch From Hell

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  6. Carazzle
    October 16th, 2009 - 13:53

    /cheer

    I’m glad you’re out of the WoW Blogging Closet! I bet it feels so much nicer :)
    Carazzle´s last blog ..Carazzle, Gnomish Engineer

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