I wish I couldn’t care less.

Matticus recently had a guildmember depart for a more hardcore raiding guild.  By and large, he was fine with it — even supportive.  He just wished the guy had talked to him before leaving rather than after, and perhaps finished the lockout period instead of bailing in the middle of it.

While I don't necessarily agree with Matt's observation that he "should have" been angry (a psychology major, I don't believe there's any such thing as "should have" when it comes to feelings; they simply are or they aren't), I am surprised by some of the comments he has received.  A couple of people — including well-respected members of the community (read: not trolls!) — have told him point blank that it was his fault that the former guildie didn't approach him.  Clearly, Matt should have fostered a more open, communicative environment ...

Um, excuse me for interrupting the self-righteous diatribe: but how the hell do you know what kind of guild culture Matticus and his officers have created (or failed to create)?  Do you play with Conquest?  Have you listened in on one of Matt's raids or polled his members for their opinions on his leadership skills (or, as you assume, lack thereof)? 

Maybe you're right, and Matt is a piss-poor guild leader whose members are right to leave (in the middle of the raid week, with no advance notice or even the courtesy of a post mortem tell).  

Or maybe the guy was just a dick.

*   *   *

Last night, I found myself in a similar situation.  The guildmember who threatened to quit two and half weeks ago finally did, and although "L." isn't a dick — he's actually a pretty nice guy — he certainly exhibited some dickish behavior on his way out. 

While the too easy/too hard debate rages on, only the most optimistic of gnomes seems to find the raid-game "just right."  The rest of us have been struggling: either to fill raids as our members become increasingly bored with the same repetitive content, or to break into raiding in the first place when no one bothers with the entry level zones.  On Black Dragonflight, several top level guilds have failed — felled not by hardmodes, but by simple ennui — as have countless start-ups. 

For about a month, Surreality was failing too.  We were consistently canceling two out of three weekly raids, and those members who wanted to progress through hardmode content were thwarted by those who simply didn't care.  

Then, a couple of things happened.

First, I kicked recruitment into overdrive, using the official forums to lure potential raiders cross-server.  (Hi Val.  *wave*)

Second, two major Horde guilds failed, which led to an fortuitous (for us!) influx of new recruits — giving us not only the numbers we needed to start hardmodes in earnest, but creating competition for raid spots that many of our members had come to take for granted (and couldn't always be counted on to fill).  We've seen a considerable step up in interest, attendance and performance as a result.  In the space of two weeks, we went from 23-manning Trial of the Crusader once a week to making significant progress in Trial of the Grand Crusader.  We even broke into the server's Top 10 for the first time in our existence.

For the last two weeks, our members have been interested, engaged and enthused.  Raids are lively again, with everyone from new initiates to seasoned vets offering input and suggestions for strategy tweaks.  Even our 10-mans are back in business, with a first round of Rusted Proto-Drakes hatched and many more to come.  (I'm currently working on an extended Uld 10 schedule that will open up hardmodes to members who haven't had a chance to see them yet — without leaning on those who never want to see them again.  It's even harder than it sounds, but I'm determined to make it work.  Somehow.)

... So why now?  Why wait until everything is going right to /gquit?

I knew from a previous conversation that L. had been offered a trial with a hardcore guild, recently formed from the remnants of several decently progressed — but largely stagnant — raiding guilds.  "SRP" (which stands either for Smoke Ring Productions or Stupid Retarded People, depending upon who you ask) is a typical FotM guild.  You know the type, I'm sure: the fourth or fifth reiteration of an old and somewhat controversial name, recreated by and for players who are united in the pursuit of purples but have no deeper or more lasting ties than that.  I predict that SRP will enjoy a meteoric rise and then implode as soon as the novelty of being the talk of Trade Chat wears off and its members realize they've been guilded together before and actually hate each other.

So, no, it doesn't sound like a great offer to me — but then, I don't raid for epics or even progression.  I raid to play with my friends, so I can't imagine an end-game without Surreality and her odd ensemble cast.  Perhaps this is naive of me, but I truly believe that it's the strength of our community that saw us through the worst of the "summer slump" and ultimately allowed us to rebuild. 

L. obviously doesn't share my opinion, and that's fine.  As Matticus points out, everyone is motivated by different things, and there's nothing inherently wrong with looking for a more compatible experience.  For his part, L. was certain that SRP's offer represented an opportunity: a "new adventure," as he phrased it on our message boards.  

We talked long into the night the first time this came up, discussing the pro's and con's, and L. eventually decided to give Surreality a month long "trial."  "You have one month to recruit more raiders," he concluded at the end of our conversation.  "They'll either convince me to stay, or they'll replace me."

Not surprisingly, my officers were a little (okay, more than a little) annoyed by what they perceived as an ultimatum — especially since it came from someone we had historically found to be a little ... unreliable? 

With all due respect to L., he does have an unfortunate tendency to /afk through raid content — including our entire first Archimonde kill and multiple bosses in Trial of the Crusader (although completely unattended, his pet once managed 700 DPS on its own on 10-man Jaraxxus!) — and often struggles to maintain a consistent Internet connection.  This week, he missed two of our three weekly raids: one because he was late (albeit for perfectly understandable reasons), and one because he disconnected so often that he ended up costing us attempts on the heroic Twin Valks and had to be subbed out.

An unstable Internet connection and flakey attendance aren't ideal for a raider in any guild, but — true to our casual-friendly roots — they are things we're willing to work around.  To a point.  L.'s veteran status (and the fact that I have always believed his heart to be in the right place, even when his head isn't anywhere at all) has been his Get Out Of Jail Free card.  Truth be told, I've taken a bit of flak about it from my officers.  But I still view Surreality as my baby and am determined to preserve our "fun and friendship first; progression second" philosphy towards raiding, even if the gap between first and second has narrowed considerably over the years.

Ironically, the same credo that has kept L. in the guild as a core raider has become his reason for leaving.  "I guess my desire for progression finally outstripped the guild's," he told Keaton last night.  Oh, you mean the desire for progression that leads you to /afk randomly throughout progression raids?  (Which is the main reason you're seldom our first choice for a 10-man, by the way.  >.<) 

I think our melee officer said it best: "Are. you. fucking. kidding. me.?" 

Be more condescending.  Please.

... Yes, I'm a little upset.  Not because he left, per se, but because ever since he recieved the competing offer, his ego has been out of control.  It became increasingly obvious after our talk that he no longer wanted to be a part of Surreality.  Literally overnight, he went from being optimistic and generally constructive in raids to critical and overbearing — harping on other people's failures while largely ignoring his own.  I received so many complaints that I finally resolved to ask him to leave the guild, since it was clear that he resented his choice to stay and was taking the resulting frustration out on us.  I suppose I should be relieved that he spared me that particular confrontation ... but I'm mostly just annoyed.

Sometimes, I wish I had Matt's emotional distance.  Matt writes that he couldn't care less; that he keeps his members at arms' length and considers no one irreplaceable.  Me, I care too much.  I feel personally responsible for everyone's enjoyment of the guild and game; on more than one occasion, I have made myself literally sick stressing over the raid roster or an initiate we had to turn away or a veteran who had somehow fallen behind and needed to be demoted or benched. 

At the end of the day, I want everyone to love Surreality as much as I do, and am genuinely disappointed and even a little hurt when it turns out that they don't.  But this?  This was even worse, because — adding insult to injury — the player who left did so in search of a "hardcore" experience he certainly couldn't deliver in-house.   His condescension was completely unwarranted and — in my estimation, at least — out-of-character (although no one else seems particularly surprised, so maybe that part's just me).

I wish I was a big enough person to wish him well, but I'm not.